| Too much on the mind. Too much history. My mind is racing so fast the room is starting to spin. I think i'll just lay here for the rest of my days. I want to do so much more with life. Where do I start. I don't want to be alone tonight. |
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| I'm so tired. I have so many decisions to make. I just want to curl up in my blanket and sleep my troubles away. I took off work today because I had a bad migrane and my boss goes "we gave you three days, you've gotta bounce back to fulltime schedule or else we have to replace you" Me and my boyfriend brokeup over all this too. I feel like everything is going against me right now. I want to be with my family but I also don't want to move 8 hours away. My roomate is moving to PA when her husband gets back from Iraq, I will have nowhere to go when my mom moves. There's so much going on and I don't want to deal with it. If I was troubled I always go to dad and he always knew what to say to help me. Can't I just like email him to heaven or something like that? It would make my life alot easier. I just want to know when will it stop hurting so bad. When will things get easier. I haven't really slept in 3 weeks. I feel so exhausted, like i'm going to crash at any moment. When I do sleep the sounds of my sister screaming and crying out for dad from when she found out echo in my head. When I look into my mother's eyes they look as she wants to cry all the time. I go around feeling like a zombie with tunnel vision. There's a few people who have really helped me and one of them still breaks my heart to this day. This house is empty, I don't want to be here alone. I'm just gunna go to bed. |
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| I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to crawl into a hole and never come back out. Please God explain to me why this happened the way it did. I feel like i'm in a bad nightmare and I can't wake up. Everything around me is moving but i'm stuck in this place between anger and sadness. I should stop being selfish, he's not suffering anymore. I need to sleep. RIP Terry Allen Rasnake 12/20/67- 6/24/09 I will always love you dad forever and always. |
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| So I was thinking the other day how great life was going and I must have jinx myself or something. I should really start knocking on wood. So I've been moved out for about 2months, have a wonderful boyfriend, and an awesome bunny. I'm always nonstop on the go. Today at work I get a phone call that my dad is being rushed to the hospital. He went into congested heart failure again. His heart is too weak. Work chewed me out for leaving freakin hour early to go to the hospital. Dad's in ICU and i'm feeling drunk |
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